mind patterns


I was telling a friend I enrolled in a writing workshop. She knew I’ve been searching for ways to explore my creativity. And her advice was to be careful about choosing writing because it might come from a subconscious need to be known and it might be driven by the ego.

I felt a little disappointed by her words. And for a while, I took a break from working on the assignments for the writing course.

But this made me think of the times in my life when I’ve let others’ opinions influence me; when I gave up passions and projects because of other people’s comments. And later regretted it. Even years later.

Each time I’ve let myself go astray, deep inside, there was another voice trying to guide me. Now, I hear it better. Then, it was just a faint whisper – maybe because I didn’t use to listen to it much. Or perhaps the voice was afraid like I was.

For too long, I looked for answers outside. In my need for certainty, I surrounded myself with louder sounds. But louder isn’t necessarily wiser.

The voice within had to cut through the noise. And I had to learn to listen to the silence.

10 thoughts on “Advisers

  1. Sharon Murch

    I apologize, but your friend’s advice is some of the dumbest I have ever heard. I am a writer by nature, and it has always been the best way for me to figure things out, what I really think and feel, what it might mean. And it is such a release! As Anna Nalick writes,

    2 a.m. and I’m still awake, writing a song,
    If I get it all down on paper it’s no longer inside
    Threatening the life it belongs to

    As far as ego and attention go, I have another blog that has gotten a lot of attention, http://www.dearmichaela.com, and it has been gratifying on a hundred levels. One is that it is about my missing daughter and it reassures me that people remember her. One is that I honestly believe that sometimes my writing does good things for other people, or at least that is what they tell me. There are other bloggers I love, and the world loves, like Sarah Bessey, from whose writings I get so many blessings, insights, and inspiration. I think anybody who does a good job at something and gets appreciation gets gratification from it. You can call that ego, or not. But it is not something bad or to be feared.

    So write away. It is good for the soul!

    1. Teodora Post author

      Hi Sharon, yes, I also believe that writing is good for the soul. It can bring clarity and healing. So sorry about your daughter. Such a heart-breaking story. I’m sure your faith helped a lot in dealing with it. Your strength is an inspiration.

  2. Karina

    Yay, good on you for turning into within rather than listening to that outside noise 🙂 I’ve been thinking for some time now that I’d like to find some writing course too at some point soon as would like to learn about writing. Go, Teodora, go 🙂 And enjoy what you love doing, despite those naysayers 😀

  3. InspiredJourney


    T’is why I opted to stop sharing with people I know, including my blog.

    It can be isolating. But I find it necessary, as people are responding viscerally with their fear as it wouldoes be if they chose to embark on a different path, rather than what you’re actually doing.

    1. Teodora Post author

      InspiredJourney, yes, I understand very well, I’ve blogged in stealth mode, too. Not told anyone, trying to hide, but I eventually got tired of hiding. In the end, friends who don’t like it shouldn’t read it and if they think it’s a bad idea, they shouldn’t start a blog for themselves. When did everyone become an expert in other people’s lives? 🙂

  4. Paris

    Interesting thoughts Teodora.
    My first thought is to consider where your friend’s words of warning came from. Jumping from exploring creativity to a subconscious need to be known is a big jump. I always thought of creativity as a form of expression, something one would do for themselves. If another person sees it and says, “well done,” then okay. If not, I’ll still go on creating.

    My second thought is one of betrayal. I can imagine one part of me not wanting to betray my friend by shrugging off the advice and taking it lightly. There is another where I might be betraying myself. If I thought the writing course was going to be create for my creative expression and I stop that because someone outside of myself told me something, am I betraying myself? That’s what wen through my mind as I thought about your experience.

    I remember taking a writing course in college and it was amazing. I encourage you to explore your creativity through writing. See what things you can create. As long as you keep yourself open to the intention of creative exploration, I think you will be fine. Observe and reflect on how you feel during the process. Also, don’t be afraid to explore other channels of expression – drama, art, music, dance, speaking, etc. There is a lot out there.

  5. Teodora Post author

    Paris, thank you for your thoughtful comment. Haven’t thought before about the two sides of betrayal. It’s something to consider, for sure. Subtle, but nonetheless, real. Maybe this is the reason why we get demotivated when we hear discouraging comments or words from close friends or family. Maybe in our minds, there is this battle between shrugging what someone close said and what our inner voice says. Interesting. Thank you for sharing this idea!

  6. Nathalie

    I agree with Sharon, your friend’s advice is not wise. Writing is a good way to discover things about your self, like meditation!
    It does not need to be public though … if you are afraid of your ego or your friend.
    But do not give up.

    1. Teodora Post author

      Hi Nathalie, I don’t believe there is an ego like a separate part of ourselves, something to be afraid of. I think we are beings with complex personalities and that it’s good to know ourselves, adjust and accept ourselves as whole glorious human beings.


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